How to Throw a Bachelor Party in Las Vegas

"Attention, passengers, we are now leaving Nun Central on our journey to Hell and beyond." – Rick Gassko from Bachelor Party (1984)

Feb. 14, 2008

By Jake Gosselin
Bodog Nation Contributing Writer

We here at Bodog Nation have been to many bachelor parties. Some have been fantastic and some have been horrible. Fortunately, we've learned a great deal and are here to impart our years of experience as we walk you down the treacherous path of holding a bachelor party in Las Vegas.

The first thing you need to know is that if you think you're a cowboy and you can just shoot from the hip and let the city take care of you, you're sadly mistaken. Planning is essential to having a good Vegas bachelor party. Call it controlled chaos and accept the fact that you're going to have to do some prep work and several people are going to have to get involved and each play a role.

Coordinator

The first thing we've learned is that every bachelor party team needs a coordinator. The coordinator oversees the booking of the tickets, hotels, travel arrangements, etc. He organizes everything and is in charge of keeping the paper trail. He keeps duplicate records of everything. Why duplicates? Because everyone will be extremely drunk and susceptible to losing all of their shit.

We recommend your coordinator keep three folders with duplicates of the following: eTickets for flights, car rental papers, travel insurance for participants, maps and any relevant reference material for potential activities.

The coordinator is a drinking position but should be considered a more moderate role. It's considered bad form to drink to the insane levels the rest of the party is at, as you're putting the entire party's organization at risk.

It's a good role for anyone wanting to drink but hoping to avoid hangover hell.

Handler

The handler has to be someone who is close to the couple. His job is to handle the wife-to-be, to keep her from ruining the party. He reassures her that everything will be fine and she doesn't need to worry about her husband doing rails off a stripper's ass at three in the morning.

The above photo depicts one of the many things that the handler will assure the bride-to-be will not happen.

He respectfully asks her for her list of rules for the party. He reassures her that they will be followed.

With this set of rules in hand, he has a plan in place to make sure that nobody is busted when they break the rules.

The handler role is best filled by someone who has the trust of the bride-to-be. He is sometimes referred to as "Alibi" on the trip.

Booze Guy

Self-explanatory.

Designated Driver  

This job sucks, and it is best filled by a small team of guys so that nobody has to be sober too often.

Normally, there are certain guys incapable of being on the D.D. Team.  Recognize these guys for what they are and acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses.

Every group of friends has a guy who is just a horrible choice for a designated driver. For simplicity's sake, let's refer to this character as "Big Dave."

"Big Dave" can't stay sober for the life of him. But what "Big Dave" can do is find booze in the strangest of circumstances. Take advantage of "Big Dave's" natural skills and keep him on the booze team where he belongs. At no point should "Big Dave" be allowed to touch the keys to any sort of motor vehicle.

Big Stinky Van

Every Las Vegas stag requires you to rent a van for transportation. A 15-person passenger van should be sufficient, and don't forget to load that bitch up with every inch of insurance you can get.

You'll want to rig the very back of the van with a series of coolers filled with beer. It's a long way from the back of the van to the front, so you'll also want to make sure you have walkie-talkies.

The van will be known as "Big Stinky Van." This is self-explanatory.

It's very likely that you'll need to shell out some extra cash when you return it to the rental agency. Expect and account for this in your budget.

"Big Stinky Van" is more than a mode of transportation, it's a rolling party of madness and destruction.

The "Big Stinky Van" is used to get around from venue to venue. It's very important to switch venues several times. Recognize that a stag wears out its welcome quickly. Accept this for what it is, and plan for it.  It keeps things from getting ugly and busting the fun.

While you are in the middle of the "Big Stinky Van" bender, here is a bombproof technique for not losing anybody. It is stolen directly from daycares and kindergarten daytrips. It's called the "Head Count."

The rule is simple: The designated driver must do a simple head count before he turns the ignition of the van. If the number isn't right, the van doesn't get started. For this reason, the only rule for stag members is that they are not allowed to invite a non-attendee into the van. Non-attendees can ride on the roof or they can meet you there. But they can not get in the van.

But why not just take cabs to the various venues? Because cabs are slow and chaotic to organize for large groups and standing around waiting for cabs kills the buzz. Plus, you'll soon come to realize that the "Big Stinky Van" is as much a venue as the Spearmint Rhino or the Double Down Saloon.

Destination

We have learned through several over-the-top stags that the destination is not as important as we first thought. There is no Las Vegas magic bullet location that will ensure you a perfect stag. Remember, as long as you keep the vibe up, everyone will be having a good time.

Plan on some unconventional activities that aren't booze-centric. Then take booze to them. This will help keep things interesting. There are few things as fun as drinking someplace you aren't supposed to. While this is a bit of a challenge in Vegas, it's definitely doable.

One of our best times at a Vegas stag was getting blasted at the Hoover Dam. If you're feeling extra crafty, bring a stripper with you. But remember, she either has to meet you there or ride on the roof. Choice is hers.

Accommodations

Never try to cram more than two people into a hotel room. You aren't in high school anymore.

If possible, rent an extra hotel room that you use as a lounge. Nobody wants the after hours party in their room.

And remember, no matter how fantastic of an idea it seems at the time... never, ever, ever, EVER... ever invite the band back to your room to party. Ever.

We don't care how awesome your stag is or how hard you can party, you aren't ready to party with whatever band you have just invited over for drinks. They are pros. You are an amateur. Remember this.

We tried to keep up with Fall From Grace once. It didn't end well.

Recovery Planning

You are going to get hurt. Learn from Greek mythology. To think you won't be turned into a quivering pile of human jelly by all of your drinking is simply hubris. So, you may as well plan for it.

When you get your beer, get a shit-load of Gatorade and some soda crackers.

When a man goes down, you need to be prepared to get him back into drinking shape as fast as possible.

Having men go down will kill the entire vibe. The sooner you get them back in line, the sooner you can get your stag back on track.

Gatorade and soda crackers are, in our experience, the fastest way to get that poor bastard ready for more booze.

A final preparation that we recommend is the use of badges that say:

My name is [Wes]

I am staying at [Bellagio Hotel]

My flight leaves [9 p.m. Sunday]

Having this information readily available for helpful strangers or casino staff could make the difference between you sleeping in your luxurious hotel room and you passed out in the gutter.

TOP PHOTO: Drinking to excess is inevitable, so you better be prepared.