How to Throw a Bachelorette Party in Las Vegas

"Like other parties of the kind, it was first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogether, then inarticulate, and then drunk. When we had reached the last step of this glorious ladder, it was difficult to get down again without stumbling." - George Gordon Byron

May 6, 2008

By Leah Bailly
Bodog Nation Contributing Writer

You are the baroness of bridesmaids. Your best friend is getting hitched this summer and you’re the BFF reporting for duty. You’ve stayed up late gluing invitations, traded emails about the taffeta, even decided on the other girls’ up-dos and down. But the true weight of your responsibilities lies ahead. It’s bachelorette party season! And this won’t be any night out, the local hunk-o-rama gas station attendant trying to dance on your table for a twenty. You’re going to Vegas, baby.

You must show your bride buddy and her closest friends the best bachelorette party on the planet. You need not one stripper, but a revue. You need not any massage, but a full day spa. You aren’t designating anyone a driver, you’re rolling VIP in a stretch Hummer. And your best friend forever doesn’t need a free blowjob shooter from a creepy local bartender, she needs champagne at a high stakes craps table! Right?

As bridezilla closes in on her picture perfect wedding day you need to take her and her friends to Sin City to blow off a little steam. There will be booze (by the gallon), cute little dresses, hot nightclubs, peelers and gambling. She may warn you of her devotion to her future groom, and insist on a few mellow afternoons by the pool, but your bride-to-be will scream like a banshee when she sees that Sin City stripper finally release the beast. It will be worth it.

Get A Room!

Start at the right kind of hotel. Something young, loud and a little slutty. The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino has lush party suites for bachelorettes and good deals on cabanas at the Rehab Pool Party every Sunday. The casino is girl-friendly, with low-stakes blackjack and high payout slots, and there are plenty of fun and boozy eateries like the Pink Taco. The Hard Rock also approves of late night pillow fights, screaming down the halls in lingerie and inviting new "friends" up to your room. They love that.

Vegas expects a bachelorette party crew to be wild so don't disappoint them.

The Palms offers fantasy suites for ladies groups complete with party area, Jacuzzi, open bar and access to their pool party, Ditch Fridays. The Palms also offers "Bachelorette Service" in their gem of a nightclub, the Ghost Bar. Packages include cover, VIP bottle service with hottie male bartender (just for your table) and an incredible rooftop view of the Strip. Of course, there is easy "go back to my room" access for those chance bridesmaids-gone-wild.

It’s Showtime!

The thrill of a Vegas bachelorette party is undeniably the entertainment. Where else in the world are there nightly performances by throbbing Australian peeler boys? Lucky for your lady friend, the strip shows in Vegas vary from tame to full frontal. Some ladies don’t love a swinging wang in their faces but prefer the sweeter, more comedic side of male revue. Some ladies want black leather, whips and Playgirl celebrities. Vegas has it all.

Whatever your tastes in male strippers happen to be, Vegas has got you covered.

You’ve seen their orange veined silhouettes on the billboards, heard of their sizzling southern moves. Touted as the "hottest" male show on the Strip, "The Thunder from Down Under" features the most bodacious blokes Australia could export. Housed at the Excalibur, the Men from Thunder offer a fake orgasm prize for the best audience member. It’s interactive!

The Chippendales, the pectoral pageant known across America as “The Ultimate Girls Night Out,” has its home in Vegas at the Rio. Their 75 minute show parades through all the classic fantasy scenarios: cowboys, construction workers, and doctors-- Oh my! The screaming theatre of 300 palpitating women is as raucous as revues get; the boys play off crowd reactions, removing (almost) all. After the show, audience members move into the exclusive "Flirt Lounge" where men from the show serve drinks and mingle. Designed for ladies, the "Flirt" is comfortably classy, lit with an almost post-orgasmic glow.

The Full Monty

But does your bride want more than the generic dancing boys stuff? Sure there are the classic Vegas sleaze/strip gentlemen’s clubs, many of which have a ladies room. Average at best. The famous hard-core strip-a-thon for ladies in Vegas is at Sapphire (the world’s largest gentleman’s club) where the "Stars of Playgirl" go fully nude. These boys may not be the best dancers, but hung they are, and lap dances are offered for a mere 20 bones. It’ll make her squeal.

Paging Dr. Love. Dr. Love to the operating room.

But we know your bride-to-be needs special attention. Private attention. She needs a full body massage, a new dress, 25 cocktails and then she’ll be ready. You can’t deny her this final rite of passage into marriage: her own personal Doctor Love! She needs therapy, she needs an MD to check her racing heart, to ensure her vitals are, indeed, pumping. She needs Doctor Love to spend at least an hour dancing around the hotel room, removing first his stethoscope, his lab coat…. The Sin City Strippers offer hot private dancers for a mere $150 an hour. A bargain, for that kind of personal care and attention.

Oh, the Treats

When in Rome, strip as the Romans do.

And as a last minute thought, you may want to send her new groom home with a special gift too. The Stripper 101 classes offered at the V Theatre at the Miracle Mile teaches newcomers pole dancing, boa moves and, his new favorite, the lap dance. The classroom is dimly lit and serves drinks (never far from a cocktail on bachelorette weekend!) and the teachers encourage sleazy gyrations as practice. Won’t he be pleased on his wedding night when his new wife performs her own version of the nut-nuzzler!

Your bride-to-be will thank you, years later, for the attention lavished on her special weekend away. She’ll hold tight to the condom tiara, the goodie bags, the giant blow-up pecker. She’ll keep the photos from the scavenger hunt involving "men in uniform" and multi-colored veils. And it will be weeks before she’ll recover from all that drinking and dancing, and she’ll be furious for the five pounds she put on at all the incredible restaurants on the Strip. Forget about it. The image of your BFF in a limo, wearing nothing but high heels, doing body shots off a Chippendale’s rock hard ass. Priceless.

PHOTO: Bachelorette Party.