The Bachelorette: Farts, Poops and Proverbs

This week was all about reaching for the stars, toilet talk and Ron's issues on the Bachelorette

June 4, 2008

By Laura Gosselin
Bodog Nation Contributing Writer

This week on the Bachelorette, snowboarder Jesse broke the cardinal rule of first dates: He dropped the F-bomb. In his first real conversation with DeAnna, Jesse said he wants to find a girl who's OK with farting in bed. "Everybody farts; everybody poops," he explained.

We at Bodog Nation think that Jesse might be right – yes, everybody does fart – and Jesse might really be onto something with his "everybody poops" theory. However, to make these declarations when he's trying to romance the bachelorette… well, perhaps Jesse needs to learn a thing or two about the laws of attraction.

Richard: No Rose for You

This week, DeAnna, who puts her whole heart into everything (as opposed to her left ventricle), kicked nice-guy Richard to the curb. Can we stop a second to discuss DeAnna's gi-gantor ego? As Richard showed interest, DeAnna told cameras, "I could tell that Richard was really falling for me."

She then took Richard for a carriage ride, because, she explained, if she didn't feel a spark for him in the carriage, then she would never feel a spark. No pressure, Richard. Also, that's retarded logic, DeAnna.

Ron's Deep Thoughts

Later, the men were forced to engage in some sort of barnyard ho-down with DeAnna. And Ron, who is so deep in the closet that he's still finding Christmas presents, was starting trouble. You see, Ron divorced his wife and opened a hair salon. He has some issues that he veils with his incessant use of cliche, ill-fitting proverbs he calls "analogies."

Say for example, you broke your toe in a wrestling match. If Ron were there, he might address the incident by saying, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Or, perhaps you were enjoying a meal at Hooters and the waitress brought you a pint of Coors rather than the pint of Coors Light you ordered. Ron would most likely assess the situation by stroking an invisible goatee, then offering, "Cleanliness is next to godliness."

"Beggars can't be choosers, DeAnna."

So you can imagine DeAnna's frustration when she took Ron aside to tell him he shouldn't have confronted Jeremy about getting two roses since it was her decision, not his, and Ron explained that he's a "guy's guy" and "iron sharpens iron."

Thanks for clearing that up, Ron.

Later, when Jeremy edged out Ron's one-on-one time with DeAnna, a pissed-off Ron explained the situation to the other guys:

"Cream rises to the top. Where there's smoke there's fire. You can use whatever analogy you want. It takes care of itself."

Jason Shares a 3-Year-Old Secret

Finally, Jason was able to admit to DeAnna that he had a 3-year-old son. She said it was cool and then they made out. Later, DeAnna (cough) producers gave Jason a certificate that said she had named a star after his son, because she appreciated his honesty.

"I had a star named after Tyler," she said, as Jason unrolled the certificate.

"That is one of the nicest things anyone's ever given me," Jason said.

We at Bodog Nation want to know how the whole buying a star transaction goes down. Is it something like this?

DeAnna: "I'll take... hmmm... that one."
Star Salesman: "Great."
(Star Salesman then tries to up-sell her on the black hole insurance.)
DeAnna: "D'oh!"

Ellen Degrades the Guys

DeAnna took the guys to the Ellen show and we're not exactly sure what happened, but for some reason, all the guys ended up being asked to pull down their pants. They were also forced to have a dance-off.

Ron Goes Home: "Easy Come, Easy Go"

At the rose ceremony, we found out a few things: Firstly, mullet man cut his mullet and turned into a completely different guy. Dare we say, hot? Question: Can someone who once had a mullet cut it off and become hot? Or will they always be tainted with the mullet memory? Discuss.

So at the rose ceremony, DeAnna ditched Paul, the Canadian guy and Ron the weirdo. Ron explained to the cameras, "Sometimes the tree gets knocked down before it bears its fruit."

And sometimes the tree is just a big retard.

PHOTOS: All images are courtesy of ABC.