Wombat's Fight Forecast for UFC 79: Nemesis

Nemesis [nem-uh-sis] - noun, plural - ses
1. Something that a person cannot conquer or achieve, etc. The performance test proved to be my nemesis
2. An opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome
3. The goddess of divine retribution
4. An agent or act of retribution or punishment

Dec. 19, 2007

By Jeff "Wombat" Meszaros
Bodog Nation Contributing Writer

Did the decision makers at the UFC look up the word "nemesis" before they chose it for the title of UFC 79? I'm not sure. Because if they had, they would've noticed that it means "an opponent that cannot be beaten or overcome." That hardly seems appropriate considering that Georges St. Pierre and Matt Hughes have each beaten each other already.

Sure, it's possible that I'm putting the "anal" in overanalyzing, but I just hate it when people use words they don't understand, like the pretentious snobs who call everything "post-modern," or the fools who say that they're feeling "nauseous" when they really mean "nauseated." People like that should be subjected to extreme water boarding and then dropped naked onto the wolf-infested tundra of Siberia with only a dictionary and a package of beef jerky.

Matt Hughes vs. Georges "Rush" St. Pierre

These two have fought twice before and the score is tied. The first time, G.S.P. was kicking Hughes around like a scene from Universal Soldier: The Return, but then he got caught in an armbar with one second left in the first round. Yes, they did make a sequel to Universal Soldier, and no, G.S.P. did not believe in himself during their first fight, which is exactly why he lost. The second time, St. Pierre tested positive for confidence and Hughes suffered a double order of misery with a side order of justice. In fact, Hughes was so overwhelmed that he resorted to treachery and claimed that he'd been kicked in the groin when he actually hadn't. At the end of the first round, Hughes dragged himself to his corner with the weak, wild desperation of a man who has just washed ashore after barely surviving a shipwreck. In the second round, G.S.P. landed a kick to the neck, and Hughes dropped like a passing hockey player had slashed him across the back at 60 miles per hour. It was a magical experience for Canadian MMA fans everywhere. Can the "poutine engine" do it again? I think so. Watching G.S.P. out-wrestle Josh Koscheck was so incredible that Jesus probably pushed off his return for a few thousand years, just so he wouldn't have to follow such an impressive performance. My Guess: G.S.P. by TKO.

Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell vs. Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva

This fight should have happened years ago when Liddell was the UFC champ and Silva was the Pride champ. Now, both guys have lost their belts, and watching the fight is like sleeping with the girl who used to be hot in high school but has now had a few kids. You'll still do it, but you know it would’ve been better back in the day.

Silva and Liddell both love skull tattoos. (MMAWeekly.com photo)

"The Iceman" and "The Axe Murderer" squared off at UFC 61: Bitter Rivals in July 2006. Despite the language barrier and a shared love of skull tattoos, they still managed to immediately enrage each other. Since then, the octagon has hosted nearly 20 events, which makes their encounter seem like a lifetime ago in the minds of MMA fans, most of whom have the attention span of a monkey.  

With Silva, there is no "feeling-out period." He streaks across the ring like a gorilla fired out of a catapult. Usually, he gets dropped badly but then gets up and finishes his opponent with a series of murderous head-stomps. That might've been fine in Pride, where fights aren't over until one fighter is legally dead, but in the referee-stoppage-happyland of the UFC, where you can’t stomp on your opponent's mohawk, that makes him the perfect opponent for Liddell. "The Iceman" will wait at the batting plate for Silva to overextend himself, and then he will knock his jaw for a home run into the upper bleachers while the partisan American crowd boos the Brazilian fighter who has moved to their country, learned their language and enrolled his child in their schools. My Guess: Liddell by TKO.

Lyoto Machida vs. Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou

Sokoudjou's first fight on the big stage was against Antonio "Minotoro" Rogerio Nogueira, the smaller twin of former Pride champion Antonio "Minotauro" Rodrigo Nogueira.

Sokoudjou has impressive dreadlocks. (MMAWeekly.com photo)

Rather than spending endless hours wondering why any mother would give both of her twin sons essentially the same name, Sokoudjou unceremoniously knocked his opponent out in just 23 seconds. Ricardo Arona got the same treatment less than two months later. Will Machida also fall victim to Sokoudjou's terrifying athleticism and impressive dreadlocks? It’s hard to say. As a Brazilian champion in karate, jiu-jitsu and sumo wrestling, Machida has a "license to ill" in true Beastie Boys style, but his opponent isn't just a ball of fast-twitch muscle fibers with a hint of Bob Marley. As a U.S. Open Judo champ, Sokoudjou has technique to back up his genetic superpowers. Still, Machida is undefeated and has a jedi-esque way of drawing his opponents into his style of fighting. My Guess: Machida by decision.

Rich "No Love" Clementi vs. Melvin "The Young Assassin" Guillard

Guillard might not have the best technique, but he has a 20-foot vertical leap and can throw a Los Angeles telephone book through a 3-inch thick plexiglass window. Clementi loves to box and will probably make the strategically poor choice to trade punches. Anything is possible with "The Young Assassin." He could KO Clementi, he could get choked out or he might be the first fighter to break down weeping Oliver McCall-style in the octagon. My Guess: Clementi by Submission.

Roan "Jucao" Carneiro vs. Tony DeSouza

Carneiro looks like a cross between Dr. Spock and some kind of nosferatu bat. DeSouza should come to the octagon pushing a shopping cart full of empty bottles, since his wild beard makes him look like a homeless guy. I hear that every time he hugs his grandmother, he snaps her down into a front headlock and then jumps into a flying guillotine. My Guess: Carneiro by decision.

Mark Bocek vs. Doug Evans

In their UFC debuts, Bocek fought Frankie Edgar and Evans faced Roger Huerta. They both lost, but those are two pretty raw deals. It's kind of like a bouncer letting you into a bar but only on the condition that you'll dance with his ugly sister. Now, having paid their dues to the octagon gatekeepers, they face each other.  My Guess: Bocek by submission.

Luiz "Banha" Cane vs. James "The Sandman" Irvin

Irvin should work for Sandman Hotels and appear in TV commercials where he says, "Hi, I’m James "The Sandman" Irvin. When you stay at Sandman Hotels, you'll sleep like this!" Then, they could show him KO'ing Terry Martin with a flying knee. My Guess: Cane by submission.

Soa "The Hulk" Palelei vs. Eddie "The Manic Hispanic" Sanchez

Eddie Sanchez looks like Homer Simpson. (MMAWeekly.com photo)

Does anyone else think that Sanchez looks exactly like Homer Simpson? I can't get it out of my head. Curiously, Palelei doesn't look anything like the Hulk. He isn't even green. My Guess: Palelei by TKO.

Nate Mohr vs. Manny "Pitbull" Gamburyan

Gamburyan was beating the piss out of Nate Diaz, but then his bum shoulder gave out and cost him the fight. Assuming his rotator cuff doesn’t quit on him again, the "Pitbull" will rip Mohr's arm off and then be seized by confused animal control officers wielding pole snares. My Guess: Gamburyan by submission.

Jordan Radev vs. Dean "The Boogeyman" Lister

Radev should check under his bed for Lister every night. I hear that's where "The Boogeyman" likes to hang out. The closet is another place. My Guess: Lister by submission.

TOP PHOTO: Georges St. Pierre and Matt Hughes will fight for the third time on Dec. 29 at UFC 79: Nemesis. (MMAWeekly.com photo)